An Open Letter to the Future We're Already Missing
Dear Constituent of Tomorrow,
By the time you read this, it will have already happened—or perhaps it won't have. We find ourselves in the unprecedented position of launching a preemptive campaign for an election that may or may not occur in a country where the candidate may or may not be eligible to run, but certainly should be considered, theoretically speaking, in the abstract.
This is not a campaign. This is a conceptual framework for understanding what leadership could mean if we allowed ourselves to imagine it differently—from across an ocean, with proper visas.
Fig. 1: A Visual Metaphor for Transatlantic Optimism™ (We're almost out of time, but there are still flowers to distribute)
Why the UK? Why Now? Why Not?
Some have asked—though not nearly enough, in our estimation—why an American gubernatorial leader would establish a campaign infrastructure in the United Kingdom. We respond with another question: Why wouldn't the logical next step after governing California be to preemptively establish goodwill among the British electorate?
Our Twelve-Point Plan (We're Actively Reducing It to Seven)
🌊 Mandatory Beach Citizenship
Every UK resident within 200 miles of a coastline will be required to appreciate it quarterly.
☕ Coffee-to-Tea Conversion Credits
A carbon-neutral approach to beverage nationalism.
🎭 Subsidized Irony Programs
Building bridges through mutually understood sarcasm.
⏰ Synchronizing All Watches
In honor of our temporal ambassador (see above).
What We Stand For (When Not Sitting)
This campaign represents a bold experiment in anticipatory governance. We believe in taking action before it becomes necessary, addressing problems before they exist, and most importantly, accepting endorsements from constituents who technically cannot vote for us.
"I have no idea what this is, but I'm cautiously intrigued by the audacity."
"Finally, a campaign that understands that meaning is negotiable and borders are suggestions."
The Path Forward (Geographically Speaking)
We envision a future where leadership transcends traditional constraints like "residency requirements," "constitutional eligibility," and "basic jurisdictional coherence." The United Kingdom deserves to participate in American democracy, even if only conceptually. Especially if only conceptually.
Our platform is simple: Bring California's innovative spirit to Britain's storied traditions. Imagine universal healthcare meeting universal healthcare. Picture progressive taxation policies encountering... other progressive taxation policies. The synergy is undeniable because we haven't defined what we're synergizing.
How You Can Help (Even Though You Probably Can't)
While you cannot technically vote, donate, or participate in any formal capacity, you can engage in the following activities:
- Contemplate the campaign's existence
- Share this website ironically (or unironically—we've lost track)
- Question your assumptions about electoral geography
- Look at your watch meaningfully
- Distribute flowers in a field (optional but encouraged)
Special Campaign Initiatives
🍦 The Filibuster & Ice Cream Initiative
Defending democracy one scoop at a time. Learn about our bold plan to use the filibuster to debate ice cream flavors for days on end.
Explore the Initiative →⛰️ The Lake Flacid Olympics
Before any candidate may compete, they must pass the Mirror of Truth. The sacred waters await.
Face the Challenge →Frequently Anticipated Questions
Q: Is this real?
A: Define "real."
Q: Can Gavin Newsom actually run for office in the UK?
A: We're operating in the subjunctive mood here.
Q: What does the Mr. Bean GIF represent?
A: Everything and nothing. Mostly everything. Definitely the passage of time and the futile beauty of small gestures.
Q: Who paid for this?
A: The better question is: who didn't pay for this? (Answer: everyone)